In the final episode of season 3, Lili shares what she's been up to, unpacks some themes from season 3, thrashes on some things that have been on her mind, and shares an exciting announcement!
Actor’s Training Center
ATC’s instagram: @actorstrainingcenter
ATC’s annual fundraiser, The Show Goes On, will be on April 25th at 5-6pm EST, you can attend here, no preregistration required!
Sign up HERE for Doing It Also!
Learn more about Doing It Also in this bonus episode and on Instagram!
Maggie McNeil’s website
TDQ’s Website
Instagram: @thedreadedquestion
Lili’s instagram: @lili_torre
Email: thedreadedquestionpodcast@gmail.com
TDQ Season 3 Finale
[00:00:00] Lili Torre: Hello listeners, and welcome to the final episode of season three of The Dreaded Question.
As usual for the final episode of the season, it's just going to be the two of us today, but I did want to sneak in a little update from season two guest, Christina Ramirez.
So let's get an update on what Christina Ramirez is up to!
Christina Ramirez: Hello TDQ listeners! Season two guest, Christina Ramirez here.
Since chatting with Lili on TDQ many months ago, my journey as an arts educator and director led me to Chicago, where I took on the role as Managing Director at an incredible nonprofit, Actors Training Center.
Since 2007, ATC has been known for our motto "Train to work." And after nearly 15 years of training, we launched our "Train to Act" division this fall, giving students a platform to use their art as a service and to effect meaningful change in their communities and beyond.
On April 25th at 5:00 PM EST, we will be streaming [00:01:00] our spring fundraiser, The Show Goes On, hosted by the Marvelous Mrs. Maisel, Rachel Brosnahan with appearances and performances from Broadway and television stars, and of course our phenomenally talented students and faculty. This event directly helps us continue our work in making arts education accessible, helping us to provide scholarships and outreach programs.
There is no fee to attend this event, but if you'd like to help support our efforts, you can share on social media, purchase raffle tickets, or make a donation of any size. Learn more at events.actorstrainingcenter.org, and I hope to see you there!
Lili Torre: I'll be linking all the information that you need for the ATC fundraiser in the show notes.
So season three, pretty crazy to think that we have now completed the third season of The Dreaded Question.
So I always kind of like to start with a little update about what I'm up to, since I ask everybody else the dreaded [00:02:00] question. I've gotten a lot of really generous, kind messages asking me about my move to Kansas City and how I've been liking it. I appreciate that so much, you have no idea.
It's kind of hard to answer though. It's a strange time to move, of course. I'm definitely glad that I did it. I really, really like it here. And I can also acknowledge that my husband and I haven't done all that much here. We haven't seen all of the sites. We haven't done all the things that Kansas City has to offer because you know, there's still a global pandemic here in Kansas City.
But from the people that I have met, from the places that I have gone, from the things that I have experienced, I'm so excited for things to start opening back up in a safe way here so that my husband and I can really experience everything that Kansas City has to offer. We can already tell that it has tons to offer. And there's so much energy and creativity here. And I absolutely hope that anyone listening to this will come for a visit and let me know on [00:03:00] Instagram so that we can meet and hang out and get a cup of coffee somewhere.
Additionally, one big thing that we have done is we got our dog, as I mentioned in Hannah Richter's episode. And she is just the absolute best. And I love her so much. And you know, it was really exhausting the first few months. Like, I certainly don't want to sugar coat that, especially before she was sleeping through the night, but now that she is sleeping through the night, she's teething and going through all the normal puppy things. But honestly, she's pretty amazing.
And she also booked a commercial, which I feel like there's a lesson in here somewhere that my husband and I are both actors and neither of us has booked a commercial here, but our dog did. And when we told her, she just like, really didn't care. So that unattachment like, golden really, we could all learn from her
There were quite a few themes that came up in season three. Unsurprisingly, one thing that came up a lot was what it means [00:04:00] to create your own work and how that can be defined and how we can look at that.
You know, I think so often we think of someone like Lin Manuel Miranda, creating his own work with In the Heights and Hamilton. And that's certainly an amazing way to create your own work, especially if writing is something that interests you. However, there are also people like Priya Mahendra who always finds a way to create her own interpretive work without getting into that territory of being a creative artist and taking pre-existing work and putting it through the lens of who she is as an artist and creating something new out of it. And I think that's really incredible and a really great option for so many people.
I also think we saw a lot of this with the number of podcast hosts we had on this season. We had people like Michael Wessells of My Best Friend's Journal, Erin Williams with her podcast, Beauty Full Stories, Jennifer Pernia of The Bold Type podcast, Elyssa [00:05:00] Nicole Trust, co-host of Positive Creativity Podcast, of course we had Pete and Jen join us again separately with their podcast The Long and the Short of It, and Alec Stephens the Third with his podcast Bushwick Variety Show.
All of these people have utilized their podcast as a creative outlet where they can tell the stories they want to tell or unpack ideas that they're thinking about, which absolutely fosters creativity. And I think that podcasts are just an incredible way to not only create your own work, but also get your message out there and initiate the change that you seek to see.
Which also has me thinking about the fact that in some ways, in many ways, really a parallel career is creating your own work, in actually kind of a more literal sense, like work, like the thing you do for money.
But if you're doing it in a way like Jackie Nguyen our final guest of the season, she talked about how she directly brings in her [00:06:00] creativity and who she is as an artist to every decision that she makes for Cafe Cà Phê. So for her, it really was creating her own work where she gets to utilize those skills and her creativity, but also gets to make money and take on a new venture that can support her even during times like COVID.
I think that regardless of the way that you decide to go about it, creating your own work, especially in this time is absolutely so valuable and so important. And I hope that after listening to this season of this podcast, that you have a broader sense of what exactly that means and what that looks like.
In a similar vein, something that came up a lot was this idea of redefining what it means to be an artist and/ or how our creative skills are utilized and looking at them in a new way. Of course, there was the episode with Jen Waldman entitled Expose Your Skills, where we talked a lot about [00:07:00] sharing the things that you're good at and not siloing them into these different buckets that you don't share your creative skills when you're applying for a job or you hide them from your day job or whatever it is that you're doing, whatever category that falls into.
And I think that's such a mistake and a missed opportunity. One, I think if you're bringing those what some people call soft skills, but what I prefer to call real skills into. All the work that you do, those skills are valuable. And that is a great way to make sure that you are a valuable asset. Now, if you're working somewhere where you don't want to bring those skills, or you don't feel safe to bring those types of skills, then I would definitely, definitely reconsider where you're working.
And I know that we're in a difficult time right now to leave a job. I certainly would not be the first person to encourage anyone to leave work right now. But I am saying, start taking some of those steps and start [00:08:00] trying to find something else where you do feel like your skills are valued and where you feel safe to utilize those skills.
And if you don't think a space like that exists, then guess what? You can create it and I can help you. And we'll talk more about that later, but that was definitely a theme that came up: redefining what it means to be an artist that, you know, in this past year, we've all had to redefine that for ourselves.
So many of us, even if we didn't have the idea that, like, I'm not an artist, if I'm not working on stage, which... I also think is a big part of the reason we feel the dread behind the dreaded question is that when someone asks what we're up to, if we can't say, Hey, I'm about to start a new Broadway show, then they're going to know I'm not actually an artist. But even if you didn't feel that way, this time has really illuminated some of the other ways in which you might have been limiting your definition of artistry. You might've said, you know, if I'm not in weekly in-person voice lessons, if I'm not in a [00:09:00] weekly in-person dance classes and acting classes, if I'm not constantly hanging out at Pearl or Ripley or whatever, then I'm not an artist.
And what's so cool to see is the number of people that are redefining what that means. I've recently kind of started to question the term parallel career. If anyone has a suggestion for something better, I'm actually pretty open right now because the thing about things that are in parallel is that they never intersect. And I think there's actually a lot of intersection between your parallel career and your artistic career.
Now, I would say that's in like varying degrees of literalness? If that's a word. That some parallel careers literally intersect, maybe being a voiceover artist, as well as a stage actor or being a choreographer as well as an actor. But there are some that are entirely separate where they seemingly have nothing to do with each other, but the thing [00:10:00] that they do have to do with each other is you! You are the center of that Venn diagram. And sometimes I wonder if calling it a parallel career is sort of furthering this idea that you need to keep them separate. That you need to be two separate people, and that they're not going to utilize the same skills because that's not what I believe at all.
So yeah, accepting all, uh, recommendations for a new term for parallel career or convince me that I'm wrong and, uh, helped me see it in a new way.
Something else that came up a lot this season was some form of like routines or getting out of COVID- induced ruts. I think it's really easy right now to get stuck or to feel stuck in kind of the same routines, that sort of Groundhog's Day feeling?
It definitely came up on my episode with Jen Waldman, but it certainly came up in other episodes as well that, [00:11:00] you know, for me, a lot of that was just... I still have a morning routine and evening routine actually. But there's a lot more room for variation within those things. And I think now is a time, at least for me, lessening the structure and inviting spontaneity? I guess? Or some external stimulus has been really great.
Many of you know, I've been going on pretty much daily coffee walks, not always daily, to local coffee spots. I started this back in Astoria before I moved and I've continued it in Kansas City. And that alone, like the routine is the same where I'm going on a walk every day, but the place that I go is different. So there's variety within the routine. I hope that makes sense. And I hope that that's helpful to you.
Uh, similarly, as I mentioned on the episode with Jen, reading books. I switched [00:12:00] from, you know, the sort of self-improvement, business sort of minded books into comedy audio books, which I never thought would happen. And recently I've started picking up fiction books for the first time in like way too long. And it's been really delicious for my brain.
So again, finding variety within the routines, I think is really, really important and certainly something that came up a lot and is definitely really fueling for creativity.
There are a few things that have been on my mind recently that I'd really like to share. One is it's sort of multifold, but it kind of stems from me starting to question... I think that hiatus I took from that self-help, self-improvement kind of world of books has really kind of gotten me questioning it a little bit?
I certainly think the people who write those types of books are oftentimes extremely brilliant and oftentimes very [00:13:00] generous, but there is this sort of odd dichotomy in that whole genre that they often try to tell the reader like "You are enough." And then at the same time, it's like, "But not like quite enough, cause you also really need to read this book." Do you know what I mean?
Again, I know that most of these people have really great intentions and I certainly don't want to seem like I'm critical of them or saying that they're bad people. It's just an interesting thing to negotiate to be like, "You're so great as you are, believe in yourself, but also like read my book cause you need it."
And it's just had me sort of questioning like how much do I need to grow and change? It even feels so icky to say that on this podcast, I'm like, 'What kind of person doesn't think that they need to grow and change?' Like, I definitely consider myself a growth minded person and I love to learn, and I love to feel like I'm growing and improving.
[00:14:00] But part of me wonders if it's kind of a hiding place? Kind of a cousin to readiness, like you'll never be ready. And with this genre of book, I'm like, will you ever be good enough? Will you ever be done? And it's really just led to me questioning what I'm reading and trying to appreciate myself more, I guess? Appreciate where I'm at and the ways that I have grown and the things that I feel like I don't need to prioritize right now when it comes to self-improvement.
And I really think there's something to the fact that I feel so icky saying these things on this podcast right now, like, I'm like, "Ugh! People are gonna listen to this and think that I'm so full of myself that I don't want to better myself," but I do want to better myself, I just wonder at what point is it enough? And at what point is it okay to just be, as you are.
So that has also led to me thinking a lot about input versus output. And this [00:15:00] is sort of where I've landed on this balance of yes, improving yourself, but I think it's tempting sometimes to just input input input, listen to the hot podcast, read the newest book, you know, go to the coolest Clubhouse, I haven't even been to a Clubhouse yet, do all the things, like constantly improve yourself...
But what I don't think we focus on quite as much is the output. What am I doing with this information that I'm inputting? So if I read this new book, what am I going to do with that? If I listen to that podcast, what am I going to do with that information?
The doing is not in the listening or the reading. That's not saying that you've done the thing, you're better now, you're perfect. You know, it's, it's what you do with that information. So that kind of means that you need to limit your input so that A, you have time for output, but B you have the bandwidth for it.
It's kind of a heady noodle. I feel a little rambly right [00:16:00] now and I definitely feel a little self-conscious. But I trust and believe that you are all with me and understanding where I'm coming from? If not feel free to email me, send me a DM. Tell me all the ways I'm wrong. Always happy to hear it.
Another thing on my mind, since my move has been thinking about my career. You know, I've said many, many times on this podcast that I feel like I'm kind of the experiment for the TDQ hypothesis and that I'm very much on this journey with all of you creating my parallel career and trying to do work that I love and care about and feel fulfilled by and am financially supported by and get to use my creative skills in.
So, especially earlier this year after my move, there were a lot of thoughts in my mind around, do I really need a parallel career? Do I want a [00:17:00] thrival job? Do I want to work somewhere established? I really kind of don't have an answer for this yet. All I can say is right now, I'm very much like, no, I want this parallel career. Like let's do it. And I'm feeling really gung ho about that.
But I can't deny that earlier this year, like that was very enticing to me. And I'm still kind of unpacking why. And I also realized one of the deep seated fears that I have around getting a thrival job is that I feel like I would hate the 40 hour a week, 9-5 life.
I've literally never done that, between theater jobs and working in the restaurant industry. I've never had a 40 hour a week job. And I just have this fear that I would really hate it. There is part of me that wonders if this is a limiting belief and maybe my dream thrival situation is out there, but there's another part of me that's like, I don't want to trade my life for money.
But I would hope that if the work that I was [00:18:00] doing at that job was fulfilling enough, then I wouldn't feel that way, but I don't know. It's certainly given me a hard pivot back towards my parallel career and feeling re- excited about the path that I'm currently on.
Which brings me to a very exciting announcement. I'm running another round of the Doing It Also workshop, which is a six week virtual workshop I created in order to help you find your parallel career. It will be running every Thursday from March 25th through April 29th, from 3:00-4:15 PM Eastern time.
And this time around, it has a very exciting addition! This time one and a half of the classes will be taught by Maggie McNeil. She'll be teaching the second to last class entirely on her own. And we will both be there for the last class. Maggie has been mentioned many, many times on this podcast, and is truly a [00:19:00] badass-business-lady-understands-everything-about-business-extraordinare, and I'm just a huge fan.
I was connected to her by a former Doing It Also participant, Hannah Kiem, and she and I met and we immediately knew that we had to collaborate on something, and another round of Doing It Also felt like the perfect opportunity.
And I have to admit part of the reason I brought Maggie on is because I was inspired by Tim Russell and Jenna Pastuszek's episode, where they talked about their partnership with Innovative Voice Studio.
Hearing them talk about that, I was like, 'Why have I never featured a partnership on this podcast before? And why have I never seriously considered a partner before?' It was such a light bulb moment for me, and I was just so impressed with the way that their partnership works, that I realized I might be ready to try working with someone on some of the things that I'm working on. So as I always say, this podcast ends up inspiring me as well.
And I'm going to be honest with you. There was part of me that said to myself, 'No one's going to want to do Doing It Also right now because [00:20:00] people feel like theater's opening back up, and they're not going to feel like they need a parallel career anymore.'
And the reality is, some people may think that, but what I truly believe is that this was not a COVID problem. You all know that this podcast existed before Coronavirus hit. We have needed purpose driven, fulfilling, supportive sources of income outside of our acting careers all along. This is not a surprise. This is not a new development, and this is not something that's ending when COVID is quote unquote, over.
I think it's also really important that we accept and acknowledge the fact that things are going to look differently when we come back. And so if it was hard before, I'm hard pressed to believe that it's going to be easier than it was. So a parallel career or a supportive source of income is going to be vital.
All of this to say that I really hope that you'll join us. I'm linking all of the information you need in the show notes. I'll be posting about it on [00:21:00] Instagram. If you have any questions, feel free to email me or DM me. I'd love to talk about it.
And I'll also be linking in the show notes. The original bonus episode that I released when the Doing It Also workshop was first announced so that you can go back and listen to that, to get more information on the nuts and bolts of what to expect in Doing It Also.
I know there's been a lot going on in this time. And I know that I personally, haven't been listening to as many podcasts. So if you have stuck with me all this time and you're still catching up on a few episodes, that's totally fine. I'm so grateful that you take the time to listen at all. I am so glad that this podcast has continued and it's been such an honor to be able to share the stories of people who have thriving parallel careers that they've had for a long time, and those that have started during COVID.
It's incredible to see that just now we're heading towards the one year mark of when everything shut down, and how many of the people [00:22:00] from season three created their parallel careers during the shutdown. That's not a particularly long time to get a business idea from literally an idea to started and thriving, it's really quite impressive.
If you're still wondering what your version of purpose-driven, fulfilling work is going to look like on the other side of this pandemic, I hope that you will join us for Doing It Also.
I can't believe we've come to the end of yet another season of The Dreaded Question. I'm already hard at work organizing guests for next season, and I'm a really excited about the list of people I've come up with so far, and I think that you're really going to love it.
As always, I invite you to DM me or email me with any feedback of what you want to see next season. I'm always happy to hear your ideas. And I always want to make sure that I'm featuring the types of stories that are important and meaningful to you. So please don't hesitate to reach out.
And I realized, I haven't mentioned this in a while, but it is truly very helpful to me if you [00:23:00] rate and review TDQ on iTunes, so I'd really appreciate it if you wouldn't mind taking a moment to do so.
I promise to keep this break on the shorter side and we'll be back with season four before you know it! I'm so excited for this next round of Doing It Also. And I can't wait to be back for season four where I'll be sharing some more incredible parallel career stories and finding out what people are up to.
Thank you so much for listening. I'm Lili Torre, and this has been season three of The Dreaded Question.