Lili chats with Alec the Third about his podcast, The Bushwick Variety Show, his thoughts on what it means to be an entrepreneur versus a freelancer, his band (I Am the Third), how he balances all of his creative pursuits, as well as what it means to him to be a superhero.
Transcript of today's episode
Alec's website
Alec's instagram: @alecstephensiii
The Bushwick Variety Show podcast
Lili's episode of Bushwick Variety Show
Bushwick Variety Show's instagram: @bushwickvarietyshow
Seth Godin's episode of Simon Sinek's podcast, A Bit of Optimism
Seth Godin's Akimbo Entrepreneurs vs. Freelancers episode
Impact Theory episode
Seeking Purpose with Becca Brunelle
Brene Brown FFT podcast episode
TDQ’s Website
Instagram: @thedreadedquestion
Lili’s instagram: @lili_torre
Email: thedreadedquestionpodcast@gmail.com
TDQ Alec the Third
[00:00:00] Lili Torre: Hello listeners, and welcome back to The Dreaded Question. I'm your host, Lili Torre, and this week's guest is a fellow podcast host, the one and only Alec Stephens III, AKA Alec the Third.
I had the pleasure of being a guest on Alec's podcast, the Bushwick Variety Show, a few weeks ago. And he is such a joy to talk to that I jumped at the opportunity to have another conversation with him this time on TDQ.
Alec is truly a Jack of all trades and an incredibly creative person, and he's someone that I admire for so many reasons. In today's episode, we discuss his podcast, his thoughts on what it means to be an entrepreneur versus a freelancer, his band, I Am the Third, how he balances all of his creative pursuits, especially during this time, as well as what it means to him to be a superhero. So without further ado, let's find out what Alec, the Third is up to...
So Alec the Third, what are you up to?
Alec Stephens III: That is the [00:01:00] question. What I am up to right now is kind of... it's kind of been a year of transition transformation, and yeah, a lot of revelation, and... yeah right now, I kind of feel like I'm between a number of things. So yeah.
Lili Torre: I love that. The idea of transition and transformation. I think, I think there's a lot of that in the air right now. I think this crazy and complicated time has triggered a lot of that. And I like the idea of this time being for that kind of greater good of transition and transformation, In what ways do you feel like that's manifesting itself in your life?
Alec Stephens III: Yeah, well, one of them is kind of survival job thrival job... When the pandemic started, I was working at a restaurant [00:02:00] in SoHo, and it was the kind of thing where most of my time in New York I've been in and out of different bars and restaurants, sometimes managing bartending... sometimes being a singing server or a singing bartender, at Ellen's and, at the Spirit of New York.
So, yeah, so kind of different phases of that, different phases of enjoying that, not enjoying that. Overall like, I, I do feel for me, working in the bar and restaurant industry was and has been a good, parallel career for a while. I was lucky most of the places I was working at, I felt I was able to be myself or I was able to shift the environment so that I could be myself.
But, at the beginning of the pandemic, the place that I work at, in Soho, a lot of the people are pretty experienced in the bar and restaurant scene, [00:03:00] and are also doing other things outside of that. And so one of my, one of my friends who became like one of, one of my better friends, he, at the beginning of it was pretty much like he didn't think he was going to go back to that restaurant.
And for me, like I've been there for like a couple of years. And I was really this year finding a really nice balance. I was able to work there a lot. It was pretty good money. So I was able to do that and take a pretty full amount of classes and audition a lot. So kind of the routine that I had, I was pretty happy with, you know what I mean? Cause I was doing all the things that I wanted to do.
And I think for me kind of realizing, like, if you're really clear about what you want to do, then some of the things that you don't necessarily enjoy, but that you have to do for money, for me, weren't as soul crushing or weren't as [00:04:00] exhausting, because I kind of knew why I was doing everything, you know?
Lili Torre: Yeah, definitely. I mean, having that, that level of intention and purpose definitely helps make it more enjoyable. And you kind of mentioned that you were either managing to find places where you really felt like you could be yourself, or you were sort of adapting the culture there in such a way that you felt more like you could be yourself.
And I think that's such a big part of it too, is being willing to show up and do the emotional labor and bring yourself fully to those jobs is what, in my opinion keeps it from being soul sucking. I think that is decision really is, is it a place that is worth your emotional labor and effort?
Alec Stephens III: Yeah. And basically with the pandemic I was when it started, was fully prepared to go [00:05:00] back to that restaurant, and I'm still like, not against that. I just, at the start of the pandemic was just sort of like, well, if everything is on pause, it's kind of a good opportunity to explore other possibilities.
Lili Torre: Definitely.
Alec Stephens III: And so that's kind of what I've been doing during this period of time, you know?
Lili Torre: Yeah, I love that. And I feel like you've been doing that in a variety of ways. You know, at least from my perspective, it seems like both with the work that you're doing. And I, I know a little bit more about that because you were part of the, Doing It Also workshop and it was so amazing to watch you grow and flourish throughout that.
But then also, I feel like with the creative work that you've been doing, I feel like there has been a bit of a shift for you.
Alec Stephens III: Yeah. And I'm still kind of going through that shift. Like one thing for me was the [00:06:00] podcast, like my podcast was, I've been kind of struggling for a while to like find the energy to kind of get back to it on a consistent basis. And with juggling a bunch of different things, trying to figure out whether it was worth it, like whether it was worth that one more thing, like, to like focus and put energy into.
Especially because I haven't really monetized the podcast. There have been some things along the way where like, I could have maybe done that, but I've been hesitant to... Like my, I guess that's not the purpose of the podcast isn't to monetize it.
Um, it would be cool if that happens, but I don't... I don't like the idea of monetizing things if I don't feel like there's a fair exchange [00:07:00] happening... there is a lot of work going into it so it's not that I don't feel like it has value, but... Yeah, it's just, that's like a thing that I'm trying to navigate is, it feels icky sometimes monetizing things are coming from that place, you know?
Lili Torre: Yeah, it can feel like it's not... it can feel inauthentic, I think is part of it. Like for me in season two, I was getting some sponsors for this podcast. And for me, part of what was so kind of cool about it is I felt like it was an opportunity to sort of deepen my message and promote people's parallel careers. So it was sort of like meta in that sense where it was like furthering the message and the change that I sought to make by supporting artists with parallel careers.
It really kind of just to be totally transparent, got to the point where I just felt like it wasn't worth the amount of time, effort, and energy I was having to put into making all of those sponsorships [00:08:00] happen. So for season three, I've decided to go back to just not having sponsorships.
But I can totally, I mean, I had opportunities for sponsorships that I was definitely like that doesn't totally feel in alignment with my message. And it's not really something that I want to promote. So it becomes this kind of like gray area and this whole other set of decisions that need to be made. And yeah, in some ways it's easier to just put your ideas out there and let that be what it's for.
Alec Stephens III: Yeah. And I was listening to Seth Godin and Simon Sinek, probably a month or maybe two ago. And they were talking about entrepreneurs and, and kind of the difference between an entrepreneur and a freelancer and Seth Godin and talks about that a lot. And sometimes I have to go back and relisten to, to what, what we're calling that difference.
But one thing that he said in that [00:09:00] conversation, which is interesting, like when you listen to people over time and hear kind of their thoughts evolve. It's something that I think has been kind of underlying in what he's been saying in the past, but he said basically that you can be an entrepreneur of like social change.
Whereas a lot of times, like people think of entrepreneurs as just people that figure out a way, a very inventive way to like kind of generate money. And he, he was posting like also, you can be somebody who's generating change and that's kind of... that's what like speaks to me.
And then I do believe that over time, like if you really generate change, money will come. And, and I have like this summer, and during this phase, seeing how that has happened, like yeah...
Lili Torre: That's cool. I love that. And, and part of what I [00:10:00] love about that is I know that in previous iterations of Seth talking about this idea of entrepreneurs versus freelancers, one of the distinctions he makes is that entrepreneurs are sort of, I don't know the best way to describe it, but like expanding their work.
So it's not entirely centered around them. It's around, you know, what it is that they do and they are bringing on other people who can sort of replicate what it is that they're trying to do. And with this idea of of being a more change-making entrepreneur, if you can bring people on who believe in your message and in the change that you seek to make, and then let them go out into the world and continue to make that change, I think is such a cool idea.
Especially when, you know, contrasted with how he talks about a freelancer, which is someone who is the, the offering is the product or service. [00:11:00] And, you know, like a, like a copywriter, for example, you can't really be a copywriting entrepreneur necessarily because in order for it to be your copywriting, you have to have your hand in the work. And so that would be more of like a freelancer.
And I think for change-making on a large scale that that could lead to burnout if you're trying to be a change making freelancer, which I'm kind of talking to myself right now, but I, I just love that distinction. And I think that's really cool because I think like you said, entrepreneur can kind of have this perception of being all about the money, all about the business.
Alec Stephens III: Yeah. And for me, the thing that brought me back to the podcast before, so like the big thing was like, when, Emily from the Public Theater reached out to me to do the podcast with the Public Theater, right before that I was just kind of committing to like [00:12:00] getting back more consistent with the podcast.
And luckily it was like, that felt like kind of being rewarded for past work. Which I, I think is important to like, remember, sometimes I do think like when you put labor in, you will see the fruits of your labor. But it's a lot of times not immediate, and a lot of times it's not direct.
I was actually listening to another podcast earlier today and it was talking about. It was this monk, it was on Impact Theory if you want to look that up. But it was basically, the monk was saying something about when, as a human being, like just you're feeling, maybe resentful or maybe hurt because you feel like somebody, or maybe it's the industry, something's not giving you the love that you are giving it, [00:13:00] so it can be like a person, or it can be, you know, the industry we're going after or whatever. And like how many times in your life, if you think about it, have you ever been the one who wasn't giving the love back to like somebody else who was like really pursuing you and you just weren't interested?
And then basically saying that when you give love to the world, you will usually almost always get more back, but you will definitely always get back what you put out. Just not necessarily directly from the thing you're pursuing at the moment. But that doesn't mean that it's not worth it. Yeah. So...
Lili Torre: I love that. It won't always look the way that you maybe thought that it would. And I think you also have to be willing to see it and hear it and believe it, which can sometimes be easier said than done. But [00:14:00] I, yeah, I think that's such a, that's such a great concept. And also it's like, you can't put things out in the world with the expectation or the feeling that you deserve something back in return. And I think anyone who ships work on a regular basis, be it a podcast or a blog or whatever, learns that.
Alec Stephens III: Yeah. And that's, and then that's like, you know, going back to Seth Godin, that's another conversation I've been hearing a lot lately, which is part of the problem with the way our companies have been operating for the past, like 50, probably 50 plus years, the main thing, being about making a profit, like, like above everything else.
It's a flawed idea. Like it's a toxic idea. Like it should be. It should be more than that. You know what I mean? Like, I mean, like [00:15:00] fine, like, there's nothing against... if that's like what you want to do, everybody has different motivations. If that's like what you want to do, that's up to you.
But like, I really think you can be more when the thing that you're trying to do is create change that like has a positive impact on the world. Like you create something that's of value to people. Not just trying to profit off of everybody. Cause if you're just trying to profit off of everybody, then I think like what a lot of companies do is they make a more and more worthless product. You know what I mean?
Or they, or they raise the price of the thing without raising the value of the thing. That's what seems to happen. and that's just not a sustainable thing. That's not a sustainable model. And that's why I think we are where we are as a nation. And I don't have the answer, but like, we are [00:16:00] bursting at the seams.
Lili Torre: It absolutely feels that
Alec Stephens III: We've hit a wall, you know,
Lili Torre: Yes. I definitely agree with you on all of this. And I, you know, the hope that I have is that our generation seems to have a different value system. And I think it's a lot of why, you know, boomers as we call them and millennials have sort of... butted heads.
Alec Stephens III: Mmhmm, been at odds.
Lili Torre: Exactly in the work in the workplace, especially and why millennials are so "difficult to manage" and all of that is that we want more, we want meaning and value and purpose, and that's just not what it's always been about. And so it's, it's like these two different generations of people speaking an almost entirely different language. And so, you know, that does give me hope for the future.
But what definitely stresses me out is looking at things like Wall Street and looking at, you know, what's valued is [00:17:00] companies that continue to have better quarters than the quarter before then they have too have even higher revenue than the last quarter, or than last year and staying the same is not an option. And like you said, I, that gives me this feeling of bursting at the seems like at some point, how do you continue to grow at such an exponential rate?
Why is doing as well as last quarter, not enough? Like, that's really crazy to me. And I think that's so much of what we're seeing right now is when growth isn't really an option, at least not in the way that we think of growth, then what happens to our society?
Alec Stephens III: Yeah. And the other thing I can tell you what happens, I'm seeing it play out in real life with companies that I've loved. So me and you, Lili, I think are on somewhat parallel paths, pun intended.
So it's [00:18:00] like, yeah, I would like to be successful with these pursuits. And some of them that means different things. So it's like for the podcast. Yeah. I would love to have it financially be able to support itself and support me, so that I could then spend less time on other things that I don't want to do to like generate money, and hopefully like raise the quality of the thing.
And in general, yeah. I'd like to make a living. Yeah. And like, if I'm being honest yeah. I'd like to make a good living and I've liked to have nice things, and have some like luxury in life. Like I enjoy that. While, like creating value for other people. and I don't see anything wrong with that.
But that said, yeah, I would love to like, have an abundant life and [00:19:00] like be successful, like also financially, but like, as far as like anything that I'm building, I think like, there's like, A point where when you reach a certain level of success, and then the big money people come in, the model changes.
And I'm seeing this specifically... So when I was talking about like, if it's just to like generate profit, then maybe the products, like the quality goes down while the price goes up, that's one way that happens.
But another thing that happens. And this happens. I think first, a lot of times actually is a company starts off really good. And like, I it's a decent place. To work on whatever level it's a decent place to work, as they start hiring employees, they have like a, you know, living wage, hopefully a little better than a living wage so people can [00:20:00] thrive. Benefits, career advancement, people feel valued at work.
And then when there's this constant chase to just keep doing better and growing. Cutting employee benefits and employee pay and maybe do mass layoffs and then maybe outsource everything to people that have no connection or care to the company. And then customer service, that goes out the window too. You can't have good customer service if the people doing the customer service don't care about the company. Like it just doesn't work.
And so I'm saying this right now as a long time, this is just, honestly, my experience is my consumer experience with Zipcar here in New York City. I've been a member with them for about 10 years and I have wanted a car but [00:21:00] basically for me, Zipcar has been a great alternative because I have access to a car at any time, insurance is covered. gas is covered.
And from the beginning, there have been, you know, with, with anything like that, there have been problems before. Like early on, I was supposed to go up and do a music festival, like, like my band was supposed to perform and the day of the Zipcar just wasn't there. And so I called customer service. They tried to work it out. There, there weren't any other cars nearby available. So they credited me, but I was able to like get ahold of them.
This summer there've been like three or four times where I've shown up there hasn't been a car, or like the week of my birthday, which was like a couple of weeks ago I was like, getting ready to go and 20 minutes before I left, I got an email saying [00:22:00] that the car was canceled and it wasn't saying I was getting a refund. And then when I went to like call them, I, you couldn't get anybody on the line. And the only way I was able to get somebody on the line was I thought I found another car nearby, and I thought I had it until the next day, so I went and got that car, called Zipcar and then realized as I was like on the phone with them that it was only, I only had it for an hour, so I thought it was like till noon the next day. But because I had an active reservation, I was able to get through.
But this is like I can just tell you that I don't know what's going on, but I looked it up and like they're having all kinds of problems. So I'm not the only one experiencing this. And basically, they put out a message kind of like blaming the pandemic for it. But I'm pretty sure the demand for cars is up so that [00:23:00] doesn't really hold water to me. It's more, you guys have cut costs, and those costs are hurting your customers.
Lili Torre: Right. At a time where you're making more revenue than normal probably.
Alec Stephens III: Yeah, so the human element goes away.
Lili Torre: Yes, that is so true. It's... again, this just continuous desire for, for growth and humans are expensive, so it's a great cost to cut. And, you know, I also think it's so much of what has led to things like our data being sold, just companies, constantly looking for ways to make money because they have to do better than they did last quarter or last year.
And yeah, it's really. Not sustainable. And again, I think as you just sort of explained this time is such a great example of it not being sustainable. And the fact [00:24:00] that eventually the seams are going to burst, like you said, so I love that we just went down this path and solved all of the business problems in our world.
So um way to go. Not where I thought this conversation was going to go, but I love it!
But I do kind of almost want to backtrack a little bit and delve a little bit deeper into talking about your podcast, Bushwick Variety Show. I had the pleasure of being a guest on it this season, and I will link that episode in the show notes for all of our listeners to hear.
But I'd love to hear more about what inspired you to create that podcast to begin with.
Alec Stephens III: Yeah, so I'll quickly start from now, or like this summer, and why I decided to like, get back to it again more consistently, and that is starting with Why. So like my, Why is "To elevate people so that together we can reach new heights."
Lili Torre: Oh, I love that.
[00:25:00] Alec Stephens III: And no matter how I slice that, that is, I didn't have that Why when I started the podcast or I didn't have it articulated that way. It was kind of in there, but it wasn't like that succinct. And then doing the Why Discovery process with our friend Becca Brunelle, I kind of knew at that time, like I was kind of trying to prioritize some things in my life and the podcast and kind of trying to figure out what, who is for what it was for. And so... did that.
And so then... yeah, for me, it was sort of always why go through the stress and the time that it takes to do the podcast? And it's because I think it is that Why in practice. So, in and of itself, whether there are outside rewards or not, there is a massive reward in doing it, hopefully for [00:26:00] the, the people who I'm talking with, but definitely for me, like if there's a great benefit. It's practicing listening, and hopefully connecting people and communities that I love with each other and/or maybe some lesson or who needs to connect, with them.
So, yeah, so that's like why. And then, yeah, basically the reason I started it in the first place is because I feel like in New York as an artist, and I found this when I was kind of focusing you're on music for a while here in Bushwick.
When I first moved to New York, I was involved with this thing called a Potion Collective. We had a regular open mic and we threw a lot of shows and we kind of were like a thing for a short period of time. It was like a magical period of time. And then we all ended up scattering to the wind and going on our own different journeys.
But I think that that, that period of time for [00:27:00] all of us who were, were there was important. But for a while there was a time where we thought that that thing that we were was going to be something bigger than it was. But like I said, I think, I think we all benefited from that experience together.
And so then, like when I was doing my band and kind of pursuing that more individually and, you know, with my band and those people. Basically it was frustrating cause there's like local Bushwick blogs, there's local New York blogs, and it's really hard to get publicity, as a musician in New York in this kind of, you're not like on the national level yet, but you're doing something at a local level.
Like, if you're in Seattle [00:28:00] and you're a local artist, the local magazines cover the local artists, but in New York, because it's New York, the local artists and the local magazines, and I'm talking about like the Bushwick publications, also focus on Beyonce and Jay-Z, who are also local.
But there's something missing and it's not that there aren't any blogs or anything, but I was just kind of frustrated, cause I think it's important to know what's going on and I'm very fascinated in when I read people's stories like people who maybe made it really big, I'm really fascinated in their story before they made it really big. And also I'm interested in hearing like the music that was made then, or the art.
So yeah, so that was what kind of drove me when, when I [00:29:00] don't like something the way it is then. Yeah. I'm the type of person who wants to try to create something to address that. So that's what the podcast was for.
But it's for all levels. So there are some like national, like there are some more successful people that I talk to, but I also like to talk to people very much at the beginning of the process and hopefully show through these conversations that the process is the same. Like the same things that are gonna make you successful at the top of your game are the same things that you need to be doing at the beginning. You need to remember that on both sides.
Lili Torre: Yes. And I think there's something too that like... I don't know. I think sometimes podcasts or, any sort of platform like that, that exclusively has people who have quote unquote made it or who have hit the big time or done the thing... [00:30:00] sometimes it can almost make it feel more mysterious, even though those people so often share their stories of how they got to where they are.
Sometimes I think that as a listener who isn't in that exact place, you can almost feel more alienated from it and it can make it feel oddly even further away. And I think there's something to the idea of having people on who listeners can see a lot of themselves in.
I certainly feel that way with this podcast, you know, every, every now and again, I'll get a well intentioned, but slightly off base reach out from someone who who's, you know, asking if I'd be interested in having them on TDQ and they'll say, you know, "I've been in these movies, I've been nominated for these awards. I've been in these Broadway shows" and then like, they'll just kind of leave it at that.
And I'm just like, [00:31:00] that's not really what I'm looking for here. That's not really what my podcast is about. I think sometimes they just think like, Oh, it's a theater podcast or a performing arts podcast, but at the same time, it's like, that's just not, what's important to me here. What's important to me is artists who obviously do something also, but who also don't feel like they've, they've reached the pinnacle of what it is they're trying to do. I think it's so much more interesting to talk to people along their journey. And that's one of the things that I love about your podcast as well.
Alec Stephens III: Yeah. And then. Kind of, for me, it's also, I'm kind of trying to figure it out. And I think this is where we are on a parallel path, but like, I'm trying to figure out how to bridge, like business art and like, social change.
And so that's the other like kind of [00:32:00] thread that I'm trying to like pull and I'm trying to hear other people's perspective. And then that's the other thing about the doing it is the reward. It's like every time we have these conversations, I feel like both in what you hear from other people, but also from what you hear yourself saying, you kind of get clarity on the story you're telling, like it keeps evolving.
Lili Torre: Yes, that's so true. I don't know if I've ever thought about it that way, but by having these types of conversations with such a variety of people, you get clearer on the things that keep coming up for you, and the themes that come up and the things that you find yourself repeating and, you know, that's sort of like part of the Why Discovery process is noticing the themes that come up.
And I think a, in some ways a [00:33:00] podcast is like an extended Why Discovery process, where you just keep listening back to the things that you're saying, and it can really be an opportunity to notice what's coming up frequently for you. That's cool.
And you mentioned this a little bit, and this is a part of your life that I don't know that much about, so I'd love to hear a little bit more about your soul band, I'm the Third.
Alec Stephens III: Yeah, so that kind of came about in. Let's see. So I moved to New York in 2008, and fun little fact is my roommate at the time in 2008 was really good friends with Issa Rae. And so this is like early, early, YouTube and, new in New York. So I didn't have a bunch of friends when I, you know, when you first moved to New York.
And I started following some people on YouTube, and was thinking about trying to start [00:34:00] something, and wasn't really following Issa, but she was at like, she was at our apartment a lot and working on stuff back then. And so, you know, there is like kind of thing. Dang man, maybe, you know, that was like a good time to try to start something on YouTube, but it's anyway, that's neither here nor there. It's always a good time to start. It's always a good time to start.
But basically I did... like I think a year in, I ran into an old high school friend, on the subway and she was like the costumer in Zombie Prom, the musical that we did back in high school. And that was the zombie. And I met her husband and she said her husband was a writer interested in writing and we're like, "Oh, maybe we should work together."
And so then me and this guy, Nick Blake, started talking about working on uh, we were calling them [00:35:00] "webisodes" back then, and came up with this whole idea called "Once Upon a Time in Brooklyn". We actually did, did do it.
Um, it kind of evolved over time, but it started off the original people we were developing it with, we were going to kind of do a kind of reality thing. So I was going to be playing myself, but in doing that, I didn't want, I didn't want to be a guy pursuing acting, so I just changed that detail. I wanted, my character to be pursuing music.
So as, through the development of the project, I realized that and what, we talked about, it all changed, but when we talked about the story arc being was my character was going to have a bunch of different jobs, which I did have, was kinda going to be scattered, unfocused energy, which I very much was, and was also a musician and artists.
And basically what I wanted the arc of [00:36:00] the seasonal one thing for my character to be was that at the end, like I kinda quit everything like quit all the other hustles that I had and focused like on just being the artist that I wanted to be. And in the process of kind of envisioning that, I realized that I wanted to be that guy and
Lili Torre: Yeah.
Alec Stephens III: Maybe I didn't want to be an actor as much as a musician. And it was something like back in Seattle that like acting was kind of always a part of my life. And I, I knew like Seattle is a great music scene, but because I didn't come up in it, I was always kind of on the outside- like, I didn't know how to, I didn't know how to pursue that.
Whereas like I had, you know, like a career in acting going on in Seattle. And so [00:37:00] moving to New York, kind of starting over with the career here, it was like, well, why not pursue music? You know what I mean? You're you're at the beginning again anyway.
And so, so yeah, so then over the next couple of years, I kind of transitioned to making music and The Third, you know, I'm Alec Stephens III.
And basically I realized there were things about acting- like I I didn't have any tattoos. And the reason that I didn't get tattoos before that was because of acting. And I was sort of at a point where I was like, I don't want to not do things in my life because of acting. Like I want to be who I want to be.
And so the other big kind of thing that came to me back then was "I am" was kind of like the mantra, the affirmation, and then "The third"- so the first two tattoos is that I knew I wanted to get. And, I met this [00:38:00] tattoo artist who was from Richmond, Virginia. And that's where I went back to school was in Richmond at VCU.
And so he was going to give me a deal on like some tattoos. And so I was telling another musician friend, I was like, "Yeah. I think I'm gonna get, "I am" and "the third." And I was like, "And I think that that's going to be the name of the band." And I was, I think I was saying "The Third" and he was like, "I am, or the third, or I am the third?" And I was like, "Oh...I am the third."
And so, you know, there's a longer story with that, but basically like we, we had a run on the original lineup, like it, it takes a while to build up and I really enjoyed, versus acting you audition, you audition, you audition. And then when you get cast in things, you don't have to worry about publicity, you just have to worry about showing up and doing your job as an actor.
As a musician, it's the opposite. Like you have to create all of the opportunities, but you get to tell the story. [00:39:00] You, you have like creative control. So that's what, like, kind of it was all about.
And there's drama that happened, and breakups, we were briefly signed with like a small record label, and... Yeah, there, there was like a lot of learning. Things could have gone farther as, as they do. but it was, I learned a lot from that too.
And basically at the end of it realized that's tiring and maybe sometimes, like missed the idea of acting where there are so many people involved in the process of putting on a play. It's not on any one person's shoulders. So coming back to it, I enjoyed that. But one thing I do want to say about the name, I Am the Third, as that goes on and talking about how storytelling clarifies, ideas and clarifies your story, is that over time... because I Am the Third [00:40:00] was supposed to be an affirmation of me and like my vision as an artist, but it was also supposed to be bigger than me.
So one of the things that I started to say about that name is everybody wants to be the first. Everybody wants to be the best. And we have this... Again, we have some very toxic ideas. Like if you're not first, you know, it doesn't matter, which is ridiculous.
Like, this is what's ridiculous with award shows, like as much as I've come around and I've shifted them, but, but it's ridiculous. And then like, who's the best singer, who's the best actor, you know what I mean? When it's like, there's, it's great that there's so much great work happening and we can celebrate that.
So that's how I, that's how I take in the award shows now. But basically if you're on that Olympic podium [00:41:00] and you're third, maybe you're sad that you're not first, I get it. Maybe it was like a super close race , but I guarantee eighth place would love to be where you are.
Lili Torre: Exactly.
Alec Stephens III: Yeah, so it's not about not pursuing excellence and not going to like for, for greatness, but it's like also appreciating where you are. Because you don't stay on top either, you know?
Lili Torre: That is definitely true. And I think that there's, I understand the like, interest and need for milestones and celebrating successes and all of that, but I think you're so right that like, it can become, if you're not first, if you're not the best, then it's not a success. And I so disagree with that.
And I also think that we get so caught up in like, figuring out ways that we are the first to do something? If that makes sense? [00:42:00] Like award shows are a great example. Like this is the first time that, you know, a, a woman is winning this award since 1952 or something, you know? And, and I, you know, as a woman, I'm like, "Yeah, I do want to celebrate that."
But, in some ways, it's also like by celebrating that that's, this is the first time a woman has won this award either ever or in so many years, not really something to super pat ourselves on the back for. Like, it's something that we actually need to like take a cold, hard look at and be like, "Why is this the first time that a woman is winning this award?"
And I think that it can kind of overshadow the need for change in some ways. When you're so obsessed with the fact that something is the first and that's actually something that I've been thinking about a lot recently. So it's funny that you bring that up, but I think that that, that name for that band is so uniquely you and inherent to who you [00:43:00] are, and also very universal. And I think that's, that's such a cool thing.
I mean, there's so much that I love about what you just shared. You know, I was thinking more about the, the tattoo thing that you said that you had never gotten a tattoo as an actor because you didn't feel like you could and, and you wanted to be able to...
I don't know...that makes me think about how we as actors are sort of meant to be like, we're sort of meant to be like a blank slate in some ways. And like how... while I kind of get that, I also feel like how oppressive that is to be like, "Don't be uniquely you. Don't be yourself. Don't make yourself into the person that you want to be. Don't do anything that makes you identifiably you."
And that's so sad. And so I kind of love this sort of, back and forth or oscillation that you've been in between going kind of all the way to one side of identifying as an [00:44:00] actor and then going all the way to the other side, as identifying as a musician and really owning that.
And then now I feel like you've kind of found a balance of the two where you can be that musician, you can be that creator that you want to be and still be the actor and interpretive artist that you are so capable of being.
Alec Stephens III: Yeah. And then the other thing now is like playwriting also. And that's like a, another thing that has, it's been around for a long time. Like I wrote some one-man shows back years and years ago, one was about Bob Marley and one was like, semi-autobiographical.
The semi-autobiographical one was actually called The Sage Has Two Sides and it was kind of... well, I wouldn't say it was semi-autobiographical, but it was kind of exploring ego and insecurity.
And yeah, so I had two different narratives. Like I had on the one side, I had Malik who's like this [00:45:00] struggling musician and he was working at like, Kinko's like at the graveyard shift. And then on the other side of the stage was this overblown character that I called Mr. The Third back then.
Um, and that was like way, way before. But now yeah, with like Shelter Theater Company, kind of writing plays where it's like, when I don't, I mean, I think most playwrights, this is the case, it's definitely true for me, but like all of the voices, all of the different characters are kind of me. Like different sides of my brain.
But I don't know, like I could see myself playing some of these characters and I definitely have usually there's character that I know, like I am writing for me, or from my perspective, but not necessarily that I'm going to play, but that's been really liberating also to like, to be writing plays that aren't [00:46:00] necessarily for me like to act in.
Lili Torre: That's amazing. I think of you as such a creative person and such a... yeah, such an artistic person, someone who just really finds a way to create in any medium, any circumstance. And that's something that I admire about you so much. And I'm curious if you ever feel any conflict with that ...I guess, with being an artist who identifies as so many different things. And also who uses such a variety of mediums to, to create.
Alec Stephens III: Yeah. so I think one of the challenges has been. Like if I'm meeting with like potential like representation, sometimes, I think I want like, whoever I'm working with to like, understand me as an [00:47:00] artist, like to understand that there are these different parts. But, sometimes I've gotten in trouble, in recent history in interviews with agents, and I'm talking like far in the process like, where I probably should have just been selling myself as an actor, like kind of like, cause that's like what the purpose of that relationship would be...
But then on the other hand, I don't know, like maybe then that relationship would have gone differently, but maybe there's something else that's meant to be. You know what I mean?
So yeah, so I don't know, like sometimes it's the question of yeah, how to tell the story. And it's like, I don't think there's one right answer. I think it's hard sometimes having different interests and different deadlines, but then I think the thing to do [00:48:00] is to. Just continually challenge myself to like, create more and like use more of that creative energy, like actually make things, and increase the, my like daily and weekly capacity, to be able to...
And then the other tricky thing is I do think like, so, you know, like I want to, I want to... I don't know if I want to call it a business. I don't know what the word is for it, but one of the projects is I want to teach people how to be super heroes. that includes me, you know what I mean?
And so with that and with playwriting and with music and with acting like I do believe money and like success, like financial success are coming.
Like, I, I believe it, but I don't know, like for like the [00:49:00] superhero project, there's a way that I could package something like quickly now and sell it. But basically the superhero thing, because it's like a mission that's like important to me. I do see it down the line being valuable and being able to like generate money, but I don't want to sell something before it's ready.
Cause that's not the purpose. You know what I mean? So the struggle is in the meantime, I've been laid off since March or whatever. The PUA benefits expired what almost two months ago now? So like, unemployment, like without those benefits, does NOT cut it. Luckily like, you know, my wife has a business, she has a lingerie [00:50:00] store and that's actually doing okay now. And like, when she started the store, there was a period where I was bringing in more, and so there's been like a whole balance.
But we still have like costs. So it's like stressful right now, as you know, like I got my insurance license, so I might be selling insurance also in the meantime.
And maybe going forward. So it's just sort of, for me right now, there is the very real reality of, like having to bring in income, and still having all of these other things.
Lili Torre: Yeah, it's a lot on your plate. And, I think what you were saying about, you know, seeking representation and talking to them about all the things that you do, and should you keep the story focused around you as an actor?
You know, I think that's such a relatable thing for multihyphenates, but I also think it's pretty antiquated in [00:51:00] the mindset of representation that, you know, again, this idea that you should only be an actor if you're an actor, but it's crazy to me to think that someone who's an agent would think to themselves like, "Oh, this guy has so many creative things that he does. And like, I don't want to represent him for that reason."
Like, that's so messed up to me, but I know that it happens. And I think it's, you know, a classic case of who's it for, and you know, I'm confident that you will find someone who sees all of that as you know, possibility generating and, you know, the, the amazing, positive thing that it is.
Alec Stephens III: And to be fair, like the, the agent that was like super close, like the one that didn't go through that was like three conversations. So, this is like the big thing that, I've the big thing I've been thinking about a lot lately is [00:52:00] and what it can do for you, like how it's... can be. And it usually is like our best teacher .
Because I was coming back to acting seriously when I met with that agent. I wasn't really expecting to get that opportunity that quickly. So I was ready for it emotionally, but my attitude at the time was kind of, you know, I've been acting my whole, whole life, like I've had training my whole life, so I don't want to waste time training as bad as that sounds. Um, I, where I was coming from, I think is like, I have met as a young actor, if you know, you meet them all the time, there is a danger of becoming a professional student.
I, on the flip side though, I do believe in being a lifelong learner and you'll be a better [00:53:00] whatever it is like if you can always realize there's more to learn. But I, yeah, I was feeling, I wasn't honoring what it takes.
And like coming in the like Jen Waldman Studios was really eye opening in so many different ways, but one of the big things was like looking around and looking at the people who were just off of, or just about to go on to Broadway shows.
And realizing, okay, the people that are working at the top of the, like the top kind of commercially successful level of the game are taking classes. So as talented as you may be, you still need to like sharpen your tools.
Lili Torre: I love that. And before we wrap up today, I just am so glad that you opened the superheroes door. So I definitely would love for you to share a [00:54:00] little bit about what being a superhero means to you and how you want to help other people do the same.
Alec Stephens III: So one thing is, I was talking about that "I am" and how important that is. I think the thing now that I kind of want, and I heard somebody say it recently, and it's just true, but the, I am, if you're not there. And I think a lot of people need that. I am affirmation.
That's how most affirmations actually are it's: I am this. and that can be hard to say that can be hard to do. But I think the next level of it is the, "We are."
Lili Torre: Yes.
Alec Stephens III: And the, "We are", does not diminish the "I am."
So those are both am. And basically, yeah, everybody [00:55:00] has a superpower. Everybody has something to contribute to the world. So I think that that's a big thing about superheroes is, there's different levels to it, but it's basically the things that I want to do, the things that I'm insecure about doing like be it playwriting, be it, coming back to acting like in my mid thirties, like, you know what I mean? That was really hard. That was like, really scary. And it's like, there's feelings that I've had 10 years before that like in my twenties, like, is it too late?
Like I should have done X, Y, and Z when I was 18 and I should have, you know... so you always have these feelings of "too late," but it's always right now, is... you're exactly where you should be, to start. Whatever it is that you want to do, like nobody that ever did that thing ever [00:56:00] did it before they did it.
So nobody wrote a play before they wrote a play. Shakespeare didn't even write a play before he wrote a play. You know what I mean, Shakespeare at one time. Was a guy who had never written anything.
Lili Torre: Right. as Brené Brown would say, everyone has an FFT, a Fucking First Fime. Even Shakespeare.
Alec Stephens III: Yeah. So that's like the big thing is just there is so much more that we are capable of. There's so much that we think is impossible. That just isn't true. But it does take like, figuring out like kind of what your driving purpose is, what your Why is, what you want to do. Like also just what you want to do and having bravery in that.
And then being like, willing to like, fail and make mistakes. That's what it takes to be a superhero and keep going, but like, [00:57:00] that's it. And then the other thing about it is like, I want to build a community that, you know, we, we teach each other how to do it. Like there's some things that I've learned along the way, but I'm still learning and hope to always be.
Lili Torre: Yes. I love that. That is an amazing mindset and definitely a superhero's mindset. I absolutely love that. And I can't wait to see where this line of thinking takes you and what change-making ideas come out of it.
Thank you so, so much for taking some time to chat with me today. I absolutely love everything that you do. I will definitely be linking the Bushwick Variety Show in the show notes so that all of our listeners can go check it out. And I definitely encourage people to follow Alec on social media. There's lots of great stuff that he shares that he's been working on. So definitely want to keep up [00:58:00] with him that way. And I so appreciate your time today.
Alec Stephens III: Well thank you very much, Lili. and also I encourage people to do the Doing It Also workshop, and what comes after that. So I look forward to seeing what you're up to and, hopefully collaborating on some artistic projects also in the
Lili Torre: Ooh. Yes, I would love that!
Alec's brain works in such amazing ways. It truly is such a pleasure to chat with him. And I really can't wait to see where his superhero idea takes him. I think part of my definition of being a superhero is being unapologetically yourself in the way that only you can. And Alec definitely embodies that to me.
I'll be linking his podcast, Bushwick Variety Show in the show notes, I highly recommend going to check it out as well as his Instagram, where he's been sharing some of his recent creations.
As always, I'm so grateful to you for listening. I'm Lili Torre [00:59:00] and this has been The Dreaded Question.